When no one can follow the labyrnthian pathways of your thought processes, what hope have you for developing, or for that matter even establishing, an honest and mutually beneficial relationship?
I think, therefore I am single...
My brain is a lonely place to be, for it has an occupancy of 1, and as has been previously stated "1 is the loneliest number that you'll ever do.."
But perhaps it's not so bad when, as in my case, "1 is the only number that you'll ever do..."
What is loneliness when it is never compared to anything else? Why can't I have even one peer? One person to "brain out" with, to just talk about and care about and overanalyze, and fucking just brain out with?!
Fuck it... Who cares anymore?
Somehow, I still do.. And THAT is what makes it, to cope with, really hard...
I can't even end an emotionally savage sentence with a preposition....
Balls...
Friday, August 10, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
The AfterMath of a CareFree Day...
How trivial the good times seem. Those moments of carefree wonder when the trials of the world just slide off your shoulders and pure unadulterated enjoyment and pleasure consume the entirety of our existence. When we scream along with our favorite songs till our voice is hoarse and strained, and push past even that till it somehow comes back again, sacrificing the health of our vocal chords for the much-more immediately important sense of euphoric detachment from everything that makes us hurt.
And the slumber of death which for near-enough 12 hours consumes us thereafter, till we awake refreshed and replenished, ready to face whatever the world may have to throw at us...
Except for this.
That at almost exactly the same time when our carefree day began, the true slumber of death took into its embrace one of our dear friends, one with whom we had been face-to-face not more than 12 hours prior.
WHY THE FUCK!? WHY CAN THERE NOT BE JUST ONE, JUST FUCKING ONE UNSULLIED MOMENT!?
And the truth sets back in. We are not much more than stragglers, surviving against all odds in a world which no longer wants us here, a planet which has repeatedly, through various forms of biological attack, sought to decimate our numbers, to rid itself of the scourge our "human race" has become to the wounded and almost irreparable mother Earth.
Maybe we should stop fighting. Maybe we are all meant to just pass on..
Such dark and uninspiring thoughts on which we cogitate in this, The aftermath of a carefree day...
~Codaniel Von Johnson~
And the slumber of death which for near-enough 12 hours consumes us thereafter, till we awake refreshed and replenished, ready to face whatever the world may have to throw at us...
Except for this.
That at almost exactly the same time when our carefree day began, the true slumber of death took into its embrace one of our dear friends, one with whom we had been face-to-face not more than 12 hours prior.
WHY THE FUCK!? WHY CAN THERE NOT BE JUST ONE, JUST FUCKING ONE UNSULLIED MOMENT!?
And the truth sets back in. We are not much more than stragglers, surviving against all odds in a world which no longer wants us here, a planet which has repeatedly, through various forms of biological attack, sought to decimate our numbers, to rid itself of the scourge our "human race" has become to the wounded and almost irreparable mother Earth.
Maybe we should stop fighting. Maybe we are all meant to just pass on..
Such dark and uninspiring thoughts on which we cogitate in this, The aftermath of a carefree day...
~Codaniel Von Johnson~
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Perceived Acerbic Obversion Alembic...
Quite simply, we adapt. We come to accept the circumstances and embrace the ramifications of our painfully-belated realizations. As we focus our awareness on the details of our recent paradigm shift, providence suggests to us that we need only continue to advance down the chosen avenue. To assert our position and establish our routines, and to do so with any manner of consistency or any sense of longevity, requires a fair bit more than simply "keeping on", although the process (and all that it entails) is not by any means difficult so much as simply more involved.
Consider the tribulations we have already weathered, the adversity which has as of yet failed to get the best of us. If such things with which we have faced off have failed to defeat or even subdue us, how then shall we meekly accept defeat at the hands, or rather the circumstances of a simple alteration in our lives?!
Perhaps it is time for us to allow this adaptation, nay, to welcome it as the redemption of which we have so long been deprived and from which we have unknowingly been fleeing, for the time has come for us to face our fears, to accept our roles in this world, and to strive within the limitations of reality to commence an improvement in our surroundings, perpetuate the progress of which we are all quite capable, yet surreptitiously terrified.
The time has come to crawl out from under our rocks and brave the new day. I beseech you, and hold faith, despite all the past has shown me, that you won't let me down. Truly, I still believe in mankind and all our capabilities...
Much Love,
~Codaniel Von Johnson~
Consider the tribulations we have already weathered, the adversity which has as of yet failed to get the best of us. If such things with which we have faced off have failed to defeat or even subdue us, how then shall we meekly accept defeat at the hands, or rather the circumstances of a simple alteration in our lives?!
Perhaps it is time for us to allow this adaptation, nay, to welcome it as the redemption of which we have so long been deprived and from which we have unknowingly been fleeing, for the time has come for us to face our fears, to accept our roles in this world, and to strive within the limitations of reality to commence an improvement in our surroundings, perpetuate the progress of which we are all quite capable, yet surreptitiously terrified.
The time has come to crawl out from under our rocks and brave the new day. I beseech you, and hold faith, despite all the past has shown me, that you won't let me down. Truly, I still believe in mankind and all our capabilities...
Much Love,
~Codaniel Von Johnson~
Monday, April 30, 2012
Time and a Place
As the flow of our lives carries us along, we ride the waves of our wasted moments, careless of the final destination. From indifferent dalliance to inconsequential liaison, we wander through the rubble-strewn avenues of our erstwhile ambitions and anile aspersions, oblivious of the obvious as we set ourselves adrift in the nascent sea of our unmitigated stagnancy.
And from this unambitious predisposition, this unflinching devotion to the ease of our own overt ineffectuality, we find ourselves sapped of any and all vibrancy, devoid of any purpose and mindlessly wasting away the immaterial moments of our extraneous existences.
Yet does not this process itself consist of, and to a certain extent indirectly direct us toward, at least some modicum of meaning? Propitiated implications bookmark the inimical nature of our ubiquitous umbrage, enraged yet somehow simultaneously somber and admittedly a pinch inchoate. And the apparitions of our past precede the impassioned perfidy of our profligate privation, documenting and archiving the transcripts, and in the semblance of sentimentality, with semi-sincerity toasting the salvaged scrawls, and the irretrievable tidbits, which combined comprise this chapter in the imperfection of our unplotted and aimless meander...
It might be that this vacancy and lack of direction was meant to happen just as it did, but upon that let us not speculate.
Perhaps, as we are often told through out life, there really IS A Time And A Place for everything..
Much Love,
~Codaniel~
And from this unambitious predisposition, this unflinching devotion to the ease of our own overt ineffectuality, we find ourselves sapped of any and all vibrancy, devoid of any purpose and mindlessly wasting away the immaterial moments of our extraneous existences.
Yet does not this process itself consist of, and to a certain extent indirectly direct us toward, at least some modicum of meaning? Propitiated implications bookmark the inimical nature of our ubiquitous umbrage, enraged yet somehow simultaneously somber and admittedly a pinch inchoate. And the apparitions of our past precede the impassioned perfidy of our profligate privation, documenting and archiving the transcripts, and in the semblance of sentimentality, with semi-sincerity toasting the salvaged scrawls, and the irretrievable tidbits, which combined comprise this chapter in the imperfection of our unplotted and aimless meander...
It might be that this vacancy and lack of direction was meant to happen just as it did, but upon that let us not speculate.
Perhaps, as we are often told through out life, there really IS A Time And A Place for everything..
Much Love,
~Codaniel~
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Why, Pray Tell, Oh Why Must We Live This Way?
Because it's an apt response based on the precedents of our previous failures... To quote any number of mindless and unexceptional gangsta fucks: "You know how we do.."
Thursday, January 26, 2012
And For What?..
Just as we come to believe that things will be okay, as the aspects and circumstances of our lives come to a point from which a positive outcome seems quite certain, almost inevitably do the trappings of our own self-begotten tragedies catch up with us, binding us to the intricacies and complexities of our own innermost psychological complexes.
And from these complexes arise a veritable arsenal of ammunition with which we shoot down our opportunities to emerge from the cesspool of severity and isolation in which we insist on wallowing.
Were we to take a step back and begin to assess our assets, to truly view the undeniability of our value, might we then revise our errant self-perceptions, allowing instead for the possibility of progress and a potential for internal and ideally irreversible improvement??
Or would we simply slough off the unsatisfactory feelings of pride and worth, replacing them with the much more acknowledged and fallaciously lauded countenance of negativity and commiseration??
And for What?
What do we gain, aside from the comfort of our sympathy-infused existence, the coup de grace of our convoluted complacency?
Naught, though we hardly seem to care.
As creatures of habit, this is what we know, and if the old adage 'knowledge is power' holds true, then this existence grants us the power to continue on in a semi-stasis of comfortable and familiar emotion.
Why, pray tell, oh why must we live this way?
Love,
~Codaniel Von Johnson~
And from these complexes arise a veritable arsenal of ammunition with which we shoot down our opportunities to emerge from the cesspool of severity and isolation in which we insist on wallowing.
Were we to take a step back and begin to assess our assets, to truly view the undeniability of our value, might we then revise our errant self-perceptions, allowing instead for the possibility of progress and a potential for internal and ideally irreversible improvement??
Or would we simply slough off the unsatisfactory feelings of pride and worth, replacing them with the much more acknowledged and fallaciously lauded countenance of negativity and commiseration??
And for What?
What do we gain, aside from the comfort of our sympathy-infused existence, the coup de grace of our convoluted complacency?
Naught, though we hardly seem to care.
As creatures of habit, this is what we know, and if the old adage 'knowledge is power' holds true, then this existence grants us the power to continue on in a semi-stasis of comfortable and familiar emotion.
Why, pray tell, oh why must we live this way?
Love,
~Codaniel Von Johnson~
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